Quandries of Life Last updated September 21st, 2000
If 7-11's are open 24/7, how come they have locks on the doors?
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
What do they pack Styrofoam in?
What is really in Spam?
When sign makers go on strike, do they put anything on there picket signs?
When you shoot a mime, do you need to use a silencer?
Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?
Why don't they make mouse flavored cat food?
Why is it called a TV set when you only get one?
Why isn't the word phonics spelled the way it sounds?
Why do TV stations report power outages?
Why do the words flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
If you strap a piece of buttered bread onto a cat and drop it, what happens?
Why is bra singular but panties plural?
Do Pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If all the world is a stage , where is the audience sitting?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown to?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If you are born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says,
"Open somewhere else"?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the
volume on the radio?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing eye sled dogs?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called a hamburger if it contains no ham?
What is the speed of dark?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free by definition?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the
water?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
What's another word for synonym?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't
afraid to have a Chapter 11?
How can there be self-help groups?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and
drive?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the
top one away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why
you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
Why does your nose run, but your feet smell?
Where do they get the seeds for seedless fruit?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
li>If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't
they be called builts?
When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?
If procrastinators had a club, would they ever have a meeting?
Why is there always one in every crowd?
Who decided "Hotpoint" would be a good name for a company that sells refrigerators?
How come duct tape fixes everything but ducts?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
How can you tell when your out of invisible ink?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If God sneezes...what should you say?
If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
If you take a shower, where do you put it?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
Isn't it a little scary that a doctors work is called practice?
Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald person?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all stop eventually?
Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does bottled water have an expiration date?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients BUT dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
